The Last Thursday of November

"This very special holiday we celebrate in this month of November

This is where we create the memories that when grown we'll often remember

I try to make this holiday a daily thing for me though

Thankful for many things that one day isn't enough for me to show

First of all I'm thankful for my family always remaining strong

Never breaking even when many things tested our bond

I mean if I could I would take care of them all without a doubt

They've been there and seen me fall, and scream & shout

But that's one thing that I love about 'em they never doubt

It goes from my cousins, the ones that I can't live without

To my grandparents who have stood the test of time and are still here with us

I know it may be silly to say but thank you all for what you do every day

If it wasn't for this strong foundation I don't know where I would be

Probably out in the streets or maybe even six feet deep

Then it's my friends although they're very few I honor you

I can probably count you all off of one hand but that doesn't matter I truly see

That you've all shown me what most are not lucky enough to get, loyalty

I don't need to mention any names if you're reading this & feel my words you know it's you

What I'm trying to say is something I should say more often, thank you

This is my idea of Thanksgiving

Shouldn't have to wait until the last Thursday of November to give thanks for living."

The Root of All Evil

"The root of all evil is that green paper that we often chase

Trying to quickly make as much as we can like if it's a race

But is that really the goal in life?

What about having kids and a happy wife?

Whatever happened to the real goals that truly matter

This isn't a knock to those workaholics

But might as well call it 'workaholism' while we're at it

People literally killin' themselves for a bigger check

It's like an addiction that we have that we can't shake

Trying to get as many zeros as we can to fill our banks

While missing out on time we could've spent with our loved ones

Too busy with work not realizing what we've become

More focused on meeting deadlines than watching our children grow

We mix up our priorities because throughout life work is all we know

It doesn't have to be this way though

Why do you think so many are clamoring for a revolution

They don't mean an actual one with guns and violence

They have more sense, it's seen more like a solution

To this issue of the high cost of living

Wouldn't it be nice living comfortably with not having to worry about late bills?

Or even better live comfortably and even partake in giving

To those that aren't able to afford the bare necessities

This isn't an earth shattering idea of mine I'm not saying anything new

Canada has universal healthcare and we need that it's true

Reading these crazy stories of people being denied healthcare while they're dying

While the families are pleading for help crying

Don't you see how this economic structure is all wrong?

These big wigs and CEO's don't want this 'Obamacare' bill to pass

Instead of wanting to help their fellow citizens they prefer to turn their back

All because it means a little less money in their pockets, it's integrity they lack

They complain that these tax increases will be too deep

All while having lifetime businesses and enough money for their children's children to keep

Greed is what fuels these people in high places

All for a green piece of paper with dead presidents' faces."

Misguided

"We're often in tough situations where we don't know where to turn

Searching for the answers but we play too close to the fire and end up getting burned

But what about those that don't have a family as good as one should be

The ones that turn to gangs in search of a safe haven

But little do they know doing that only gets them closer to heaven

They mix with this family of "brothers" when all they really needed was their mother

I don't fully blame these people who lose their life over colors

They just never had the proper nurturing like others

I'm just tired of all these people looking down on those involved in gangs

They don't get it that they're just a misguided group of people

Involved for the right reasons but are only seen as evil

That's why they say that thugs cry too

They have a heart just like "normal" people do

The same people that complain should extend a helping hand

Rather than adding fuel to the fire they should just be a part of the plan

To help each and every person we can

People might say I'm hypocritical because some in my family are involved in one

But even then I've never turned my back, not once

I've tried to help and set a proper example on how to live

My sweat and hard work is what I have to give

Even this that I write hits me right at home because of what I've lost

My childhood friends were caught up in this vicious cycle, and they're no longer here walking this Earth

Is that what we want to happen? To lose these innocent lives & endure all this hurt?

I've never been to a place or seen a color with that much worth."

The Reality

"Now I don't know who I'm trying to reach with what I write

It's probably the youth 'cause for them that's why we fight

It doesn't really matter if I don't know them as long as they know they're not alone

With all the issues I've been through the pen touching the pad makes me feel right at home

Speaking of home, they say home is where the heart is but what if I don't have one

Then what do I call home?

Is it that empty spot in my chest that used to beat?

The one that was torn apart after she was willing to cheat

Or is home all those meaningless nights with girls I never cared about

The ones that were too easy, didn't have to wine & dine them or even take them out

Maybe it's the club life I used to hit nightly

Seeing all those cats living in a dream and getting bottle service

Were they truly happy? Not likely

Trying to live 'big' as they try to impress

Every lil thing that walks around in a tight dress

What a waste of time all for a night of fantasy

Can't only blame yourselves but also what's on tv

'Reality tv' like the 'Jersey Shore' highlighting this lifestyle

But all these fans are too blind to see

Or is it those people that need validation on every little thing they do?

You know who, often checking if the last chick they were with impresses you

Or those that try to show off what they have to those that don't

As if trying to make up for something they lack

What a joke, that's why no one truly has their back

The only people's validation that I ever want is my family's

It's reality, those are the only one's that truly matter

All of this I'm saying is not for me to try and say I'm better

Not at all, this is more like a wake up call

If you're reading this and you're feeling slighted then this is for you

Do you want to continue living as if you're on a treadmill?

Didn't think so, you want change? You know what to do."

My Mindstate

"Where are we going? What do we want? What are we doing?

These questions we often ask ourselves without really knowing

Often I sit in my room thinking, just my music and my thoughts

All for these answers I'm trying to find

I know I need to take care of business but these thoughts cloud my mind

It's difficult but I never show any emotion on my face

It's just me, my mind, and my own dark place

It's the search of self-worth

That's the only importance because in the end that's all you have on this earth

I could care less for any other person's opinion but my family's, no offense to them it's just my mind state

I alienate myself for a reason

But my acquaintances and friends see that as a form of treason

I would never double-cross someone, not even my so-called "enemies"

Even after they threw me under the bus

It's on their conscience not mine, they always had a friend in me

I'm a private person by choice & that's to protect those around me

So I would never dump my issues on them I know that they have their own

I came in this world alone, and that's how I often live

Even though I know I have so much to give

I prefer it this way, I don't want to be a dependent never have and never will

How will I grow if I always need to run to someone talk about my problems?

I'm the definition of "tough to crack"

It's just that trust in others is what I lack

That's what I wish everyone was able to understand

I'm doing me and I don't need a helping hand

Even less from those that pretend to be there

All you really see from me is what I want to share

I'm still a question mark even to myself

All I do is pray for the well-being of my family and good health

To me, that's the real meaning of wealth."

Private Me

"Just a little somethin' I need to get off my chest
Keeps me up at night with little to no rest

It's the idea of things that keep me going to God knows where

Walkin' down this path alone with no one there

My real friends, I can count up to one

There were others but those are as good as done

The other people I guess they're acquaintances but little do they know

That everything they think they know about me is anything that I show

I'm too private a person to let loose and tell my secrets

Too afraid that they're mouth is too big enough to keep it

They don't know how I feel when it comes to relationships

How what I once had and how it ended makes me not want to relate to sh*t

It's too big a burden to care so much for someone and come out empty handed

Feeling as if I was just left alone and stranded

They ask me why I don't do this or that and why I don't go out

I'm trying to find myself from within now that's what I'm about

This is why I don't even bother looking for more "friends"

We're on a different path looking through the same camera but with a different lens

I don't talk down on anyone because everyone has their own issues

I think it's my time to talk, you listen, and just hand me some tissues

This is the main reason why I began writing years ago

I needed a venue to just let most of my tears flow

It's how I've maintained and been able to keep sane

Been in some tough spots and I've been forced to change

We're the same age and still young, but our minds ain't the same."

Change

"Time stops for no one and I see it first hand

Already twenty-three and barely realizing my plan

I can remember my childhood but only in parts

Sometimes wishin' I could go back to where it all starts

Where the only worry was how I would score

Nah, not the drugs but in sports, I was raised to aim for much more

Always seein' the junkies in the corner askin' for change

Now I find myself doin' the same

I'm not talking about money but in the social aspect

Lookin' towards the future not knowing what to expect

Economy in ruins, unemployment at a high

CEO's gettin' richer, and the poor? Well you know how it goes

When will it all get better? Nobody knows

It's left up to us to fix what our previous generations couldn't

Sad to say but it's up to the kids to fix what their parents wouldn't

We're supposed to be left better off than they were

But even they don't know where they stand

Most will be living off of social security but that's not nearly enough

Leaving their later years to be more than rough

This is why we need to find the solution to our problems

That way our children's children won't have to be left to solve 'em

Living like you're supposed to with a smile on your face

Gettin ready to make a change and make this world a better place."

Questions

"The pain that someone can cause puts you at a loss

It's unintentional but it hurts the same

Makes us cringe when we hear their name

We often wonder what we're doing wrong

Not good enough? Too good? Bankroll not long?

Blaming ourselves is the only thing we do

Constantly hearing it's their fault but you don't think it's true

Mind gets crowded with so many questions

Always making us feel less than

You think you know the person unlike others

Until they put down the facade & show their true colors

Then you lament letting them in

All the time spent seen as a waste

You wish you never let them even get a taste

It all works out in the end you always patch yourself up

It's not the first time it happens you know how to heal

Making it easier to control how you feel

I'd rather learn the hard way than not at all

It's better than having my back against the wall

The way I deal is by shutting down

Detach myself from everything & not come around

Everyone questions me, but that's how I deal

You'll never experience that with me if you just keep it real."

Tolerance

"Growing tired of all the fakeness

Often sittin' in my room thinking "why do I take this"

My time too precious to waste

Some people luck into even getting a taste

I'm not bragging, just telling it like it is

All these people actin' like little kids

But even then I don't let it faze me

If I did, I would probably be going crazy

I know I'm better than what I often get in return

Even after going through it all I never learn

It's not that I don't want to it's just the way I am

Never a guilty conscience on mine I leave that to them

It's just funny they tell me that I deserve the best

But more often than not I'm stuck with the rest

It's like I attract the fake friends and fake women

When all I yearn for is to get what I give

If I just got that it'll make it easier to live

I won't have to worry about watchin' my back

Constantly lookin' to see who's next to betray

Once it's done I tell 'em to not even bother to stay

All they'll have of me is a memory

I'll disappear not because I cant handle it but rather to better me

Been through this vicious cycle one too many

Pain? I feel no more if any

It's like I'm immune to this type of stuff

My tolerance is zero so the ending is rough

All of this doesn't change my ways I have so much to share

If I ever did, to those in my future it wouldn't be fair..."

Different

"It's the way I'm built only way I know how to be

The "nice guy" yea that's how they all categorize me

It's all well and good when I put everyone before myself

Until I catch onto the lies and I just resort to caring for myself

Most of the people around me are not worthy of me caring

Yet something inside me tells me "your heart, just keep sharing"

I often give people labels they never live up to

Maybe they're unrealistic expectations 

But I figure if I can live up to it then they should too

I know I can't be the only one that thinks this way

Often thinking I was born in the wrong era because of it

Instead of being ahead of my time I feel left behind

Everyone says that they're mature

But just because you think like most do don't be so sure

Do you often think about your future and have it planned? I do

It almost never goes as planned as I'd like to, but I keep goin'

I can't put my head down my smile I'll keep showin'

I feel like I don't need to go back to the future but rather the past

Where a relationship was yearned for and not just a piece of ass

I know that sounds weird coming from a dude

You're just used to hearin' them getting at you and being all rude

That's not me, I prefer the companionship aspect of a special bond

The sex is part of the plan it just comes along

It's funny because I know everyone plays the "im different" card

I don't even bother saying it because those before me make believing it so hard

I'd rather show what I'm about and how my brain works

Rather than worrying about the club and what shoes to wear with which shirts

Step into my shoes and see what's really good

Hopefully I can inspire even if it's just one

If I can change at least a person I feel like my job in life is done..."

The New

"They say to be able to get over the old you need the new

It's real easy to say but hard to do

It can take days, weeks, months or a year

The next time you'll see that smile from ear to ear

All it takes is that new love

It comes when you need it most, like it was sent from above

You get that feeling again with the butterflies

Just by simply looking in their eyes

You quickly want to give 'em your all but naturally you hold back

Still a little hesitant because the pieces of your heart you're trying to put back

Making comparisons that's always the norm

Never be afraid, the new is the umbrella that helps to weather the storm

Time is all it takes for you to open up, it can take long

Filled with all these doubts & they continue to prove you wrong

Making it easier for you to love again

It'll all just come from within

The new can be the glue, only if you let it happen

Just don't blame them for the troubles you experienced back then

Let it run its course & don't worry

You never know, being together can be the beginning to your "happily ever after" story."

My Inspiration

"I'm often asked why I don't love anymore

It's not that I don't, I just care for one more
She's been there since day one it's true
And momma that's you

The emotional backbone of my life

You often tell me there aren't many women that are worth the strife

I don't know where I would be if you weren't as strong 

Grateful because you've been with us all along

Seen my ups and definitely my downs

Used to always tell us there was no need to frown

Telling us it's not as bad as we think

You always holdin' the boat up making sure we didn't sink

I never complained about what we didn't have

You showed us to appreciate the little things

I remember music being your escape when I would hear you sing

I knew you hurt more than we ever did & even that never stopped you

With your drive and positivity no one can top you

Those long hour days you used to work

Trying to show you what it actually was worth

The sacrifices you make I am forever grateful
You taught me to always remain faithful
This is why I work as hard as I do
So that one day you wouldn't have to

Seeing you smile means more than anything

I'm trying to repay you for everything

I don't tell you I love you as much you should hear it

With my heart you're the only woman near it."

Never Forgotten

"Sittin on this park bench thinkin' about the past

Wonderin' where the time went by so fast

I think I'm alone but my thoughts flow freely

Too much goin' on feelin like I'm knee deep

Most days I think about my deceased high school friends

Remembering their faces and asking God why he needed 'em

All I can think is he needed some young angels to oversee with him
Tony, Adan, Raymond, Gladys how can I forget you?
With your deaths it's like a part of me died too
This place just isn't the same without you
I would trade any material possessions to have you back in a heartbeat
All to just have that again, your hearts beat
All the good times we had is what I miss
The only things I'm left with are the memories so I often reminisce
It's just tough realizing that you're gone
Me walking this earth without you just feels so wrong

Thinking about seein' you in your casket

Hugging your sobbing parents while we walked together passed it

Them saying they're supposed to be the ones getting buried

Sad because they won't be able to see their children get married

Or get to experience what it's like to be a parent

You're constantly on my mind, isn't it apparent?

Wish you can join me on the adventures I take

Like telling God I think he made a mistake
Too soon you guys left this earth
Too many of us are too caught up in what certain things are worth
There's no set price on this thing we take for granted called life

I know you all watch over me and what I do

I can feel you all around me, I don't need a clue

All I ask is for you to continue to guide me through each sin

Hold it down up there, I love you, 'till we meet again."

Suffer

"Why do we suffer?

Are we truly bad people or do we just not understand

Is it to make us stronger & tougher?

Or is it to see how much pain we can withstand

We often look for ways to cope

And frequently we come up short

Salty tears stream down our faces

Wishin' we were in different places

The smile then stops to show

And you begin to wonder

Am I just aiming too low?

Or is it all just rain and no thunder

We change our ways to try and live better

But even then it's like the tears get wetter

This is for those that have the biggest hearts

The ones that don't shy away even when people are throwing poisoned darts

The ones that suffer because they care so much, never change, there's better times ahead

Letting you know that you're not alone with the tears you shed."

Care For Me

"I used to always tell my girl that without her I couldn't live

For her all my love I would give

I would try & be with her every second of every minute

Thought that we were both in it to win it

We then began to argue, her saying she was through

And me I didn't want to

She would say that I was crazy then that I didn't care

I would just sit & think "My heart is all I'm trying to share."

She said I cared too much & all I gave her was a blank stare

How can I care too much, I thought I didn't care enough?

I admit, for me to take that in it was a little rough

I then changed my ways & focused on me

I figured, "If I'm not there she'll miss & then see"

That her appreciation for me was never fully there

Weeks passed & again she claimed I didn't care

That's when I realized it wasn't me it was her

What she really wanted she wasn't sure

She had no idea how to handle what I was giving

She tried to blame me for the way she was living

So this goes out to the lovers like myself

The ones that do so much for others & little for themselves

Don't remain somewhere when you're not appreciated

Leave it alone while you can & go to where you are

Trust me, you'll be glad you never sat around and waited."

Never Satisfied

"I never wake up sad mad or angry

Just wake up feeling kinda empty

Seems like nothing ever satisfies me

I don't know what to make of it

Am I depressed and not know it?

Am I too scared to truly show it?

Suppress my feelings to not be judged

Would much rather put on the fake smile and never budge

No one will understand what I'm feelin' I barely do

Even with all the confusion I still manage to get through

I wouldn't call them any actual issues or problems

Just the lack of satisfaction with no real way to solve 'em

I can't really complain though I have everything I need

While some people are out there with no money and mouths to feed

Or even worse our troops fighting for our freedom needing the cash

Putting their lives on the line while thinking if the bill will pass

I can't fathom having to worry about all of this every day

I'd prefer the emptiness than to have to wonder where it is next that I will lay

I don't feel anything and I'm not sure if that will ever change

If it ever does I prefer it to be the feeling of pain

So if I'm ever happy it'll motivate me to maintain."

Stress

"Stress, that little word that does so much

Used to be the main culprit on why I used to hurt so much

Stress over this, stress over that

I used to care too much

Always made time for people I shouldn't

Always tried to turn my back but couldn't

Would always end up getting hurt but I stayed

My emotions? yea they were always played

If it wasn't a homey it was one from the opposite sex

Became so discouraged all I would ask was who's next?

My heart too big to not try and share

Even to those that seemed to never care

This is for you, made me forget it all

No more nights going home feeling like I was ready to bawl

All about doing me and brushing those off that never mattered

Now I feel better than ever, my heart will no longer be shattered

People often ask me, "how do you do it?"

I just smile and tell 'em "it ain't worth going through it"

Sometimes I wish I can be how I was before

But then I think, life is too precious to stress some more."