Misconceptions

Sometimes some things aren’t what they seem
Like the dude who flashes the money, but really has none
Or the popular pretty girl who lacks the self esteem
There’s another common misconception with the single life
People think that there isn’t a single strife
It’s funny, cuz among all the serenity there are things that test your integrity
This is what I struggle with
Others too busy figuring out who’s next to snuggle with
While I’m trying to figure out why they drop these subtle hints
By ‘they’ I’m referring to the forbidden ones
Some have boyfriends; others have husbands with daughters and sons
Hard to understand their romantic advances and sexual innuendo
Claim they’re happy at home, but the next day someone’s climbing out their window
I will never be one to hurt the one I’m with, for now I’m walking alone
While I’m searching for my other half
They’re taking for granted what they already have
Being a man it’s hard to say no to temptation
Even if I don’t believe in sex without true feelings, I’ve taken part
No real connection, just the lust and a meaningless sensation
I now understand when they say that it’s an empty feeling with this kind of sex
After the fact, really hard not to be vexed
I used to promise myself that I would never be ‘that guy’
The one to potentially home wreck
I’m sick and tired of giving a piece of mine
I write this to give y’all some peace of mind
It’s not about me figuring out what to say, but rather saying what I feel
I can no longer lie to myself; I have to keep it real
To those in a relationship, hold on to yours as tight as you could
If you don’t, some other person out there gladly would.

Angelic

This one goes out to a beautiful angel in the sky

Every time I think about you it's hard to not break down and cry

Although I've been to plenty of funerals, yours cut me deep

Mind clouded, thoughts crowded and losing sleep

I know you lived a short time but you did so much

It’s been a long while, but you’re still missed so much

I spent nights heavily thinking, on the verge of heavily drinking

Gladys, little did you know how you impacted my life

I used to have tunnel vision and would forget those around me

Meeting you opened my eyes

Showed that I needed to look at those that surround me

Enjoy the company I keep in order to experience life like we should

I remember you and your crew "The Nackz"

Always together having a great time

Most importantly you had each others backs

You were a great person to those in your circle and strangers too

That smile and laugh were contagious too

The most loyal of friends

For you, I wish these rules of life I could bend

It seems like we're losing this battle against evil

Where too often bad things happen to good people

But we have to keep our head up and keep the faith

I write this to show that in my heart you're still living

Even if this life we live in is unforgiving

People like you come around once in a lifetime

The impact you made set the bar high

Now you got me busy trying to match that with my time

You're a true angel that taught us to see how much better life can be

Living it to the fullest all in your memory.

Believe in YOU

We have to take advantage of the choices we’re given

Especially when growing up in a bad neighborhood

Little do we know how our hood can be dangerous

It’s so bad, it can be the death of us

Growing up hearing the helicopters and gun shots

Thought that was normal in any place

Thought it was normal for a living space

They say life isn’t easy and this makes it worse

You’re often guessing or conducting a search

To try and find what matters on earth

Hard to do when the opportunities are limited

People scoff at that notion but it’s evident

Crazy how oppression is still prevalent

I remember in the sixth grade a TA telling me something I would never forget

Saying I should focus on sports to make it out of ‘this hell’, but not through education

Why would she try and poison my free mind, I was confused

Putting me down because her own worth she struggled to find, she just abused

Abused the position of power she was in

Able to influence young kids but she committed the ultimate sin

Tried to crush my dreams because hers she couldn’t achieve ‘em

Made me scramble for something to believe in

So I bet on myself

I went out to prove her wrong, athletic gifts can only last so long

But the mind lasts a lifetime

That’s why we need to take advantage of the little we’re given

Growing up we’re categorized to be dead or in jail

People act surprised that we actually aimed to succeed and didn’t fail

Or act surprised that we’re well-mannered and respectful

These stereotypes we live through are regretful

Grew up in the hood but my momma raised me proper

She never made excuses, the conditions didn’t stop her

I actually want to thank that TA from back then

Wish I knew where she was so I can visit and ask, “Do you remember back when..?”

Thank you for doubting and making me believe in me

That’s the day I realized how powerful believing can be

To those kids in the hood your dreams were mine too

Never forget you can do anything you put your mind to

Legacy

There’s one thing I constantly think about and that’s my legacy

Forget the legacy that athletes try to leave

Admired for the wrong reasons, it’s hard to believe

Hard to believe that flashing money takes precedent over charity

I’m just looking for a little clarity

Busy thinking about how others will remember me when my time stops

What will be said at my eulogy when I’m in that pine box?

I used to not care what people thought of me

Until I realized how important it was to leave each person with a part of me

Changing a life for the better is an unexplainable feeling

It puts things in perspective how important you can be in someone’s eyes

That even after you pass they look up for you up in the skies

That’s what I want, I want to work hard enough for all of you

Hard enough for you to say ‘he made me a better person’

Not because of bragging, not because of flash, especially not because of cash

I want to leave words behind that will never die

Keeping my memory alive with every line

Memories, I just want to create a handful

Take some weight off of you when you have your hands full

This is why I put my life out there for y’all to read with no hesitation

At the end of it all we’re all headed to the same destination

I just want to make the journey there a little better

Want to make you think differently with every letter

Want to make you see things in a different light

Keep you from wasting away when everything else around you might

I want to make you smile when you’re having a bad day

Make you reflect when things don’t go your way

I want to push you to push yourself and make that leap

Long after I’m buried six feet deep

This flesh of mine will just wash away with the dirt

But my memory will forever last on this earth

This is why I’m forever grateful that I have you all

Those that read this I just want to say thank you

Thank you for your valuable time and attention

You know who you are, too many names to mention

I’m indebted to you because you’re allowing me a chance to live on even after I’m gone

That’s more important than any material thing can ever be

I’m busy trying to create a lasting legacy.

Flawed

People look at me different now because of what I write
Seeing my flaws on paper, telling me I shouldn’t do it
They don’t understand, this writing is therapeutic
That’s the problem, people scared for me simply for being me
Still worried that those others are hesitant of accepting me
Accepting me? There isn’t an exclusive group I’m trying to be a part of
Not ashamed to show what my heart’s made out of
Maybe those same people looking out for me wish they could express
Express and show what they go through so everyone can see what makes them tick
Hiding behind the fact that their skin isn’t as thick
We become too consumed with concealing our inner demons
Without them we would have never gotten as far
You can’t go around saying people should accept you for you
When you’re the one not showing who you really are
It’s ironic that some people want to be accepted when they can’t accept themselves
Too busy being worried about others except themselves

Embrace your flaws; it's a part of your makeup
Once you bring those to light and are comfortable being you
There’s absolutely no limit to what you’ll be able to do.

Healing

Don’t look for love let it find you
Most people are too busy picking up the pieces
Too busy scrambling that they forget what being at peace is
You have to give yourself time and let your heart heal
The pain in you needs to subside, so again you can feel
You see the heart is like glass
It wears out as we let the time pass
Both can get hot and cold and even shattered
Both being able to withstand being bruised and battered
If you handle broken glass you get cut
This is what I mean, same thing with the heart
You hand your broken heart to someone and they try to nurse it like an injury
Little do they know that it’s suffering and full of misery
How can you be unfair to someone who genuinely cares?
Cut deep into them but they still remain there
It’s not fair for anyone if you’re just worried about receiving
Aside from it being selfish, it’s really deceiving
It's like you're too busy thinking of how to get patched up
Scared to show your broken self in fear of getting passed up
It’s not that no one cares for you, you’re just not ready yet
Not ready to love, not ready to give
At times not ready to live
Instead of handing your pieces asking them to hold some
Focus on bettering yourself and becoming wholesome

Live your life like only you know how
And always make time to sit back and reflect
When you’re ready, the love you need will come when you least expect

Caregivers

Since the day we're conceived we have a room

Not one with a bed and window, I'm referring to our mother's womb

They have to watch what they do to take care of us

Change their life and routine, they're always there for us

Growing up supporting us financially and providing us with what we need

Teaching us mannerisms and morals to eventually lead

We tend to forget that the older we get they do too

When the tables turn, then what will you do?

When your parents are too old to care for themselves

Will you be there for them like they were for you?

Or will you send them to assisted living where truly living is the last thing they do

What if one of your parents is left alone with the death of the other?

How will you deal if all you have left is your mother?

Being their backbone like you had

Hard to deal if dementia takes a hold of your dad

Being one of the youngest in my family I know I'll have to deal

Funerals and cremations are soon to become too real

Right now I'm enjoying having my parents being alive and healthy

Preparing myself for when they'll need me to take care of them

It's not about if, but rather when

Helping them do the simple things they're used to

It's something I can gladly get used to

You might see it as too big of a burden to do so

But every second spent is important, don't wait till it's too late to do so.

Living Lies

"Please just tell me that something has to give

Being dishonest in anything you do, is that a good way to live?

I don't understand it now, and even less understood it then

With people not only telling lies but also living them

At what point do I stop believing them?

It's hard not to, I put my trust in people even if I was told not to

I just can't fathom anyone afraid of being real

No need to put up a front, I'm trying to break through the seal

It's crazy to me because one lie only leads to more

Is it really too much to ask?

For someone to be honest is that too much of a task?

Busy scrambling to remember your story

To not slip up like you did with the people before me

People say they lie to not hurt the other person

Then they start to lie about unimportant stuff and it worsens

I'm not here running around showing off a gavel

I've been on both sides of the lying, not pretty when it unravels

I used to say small lies to try and 'keep the peace'

Had no clue that all I was doing was breaking a piece

A piece of the trust, a piece of the heart

I truly thought I was playing it smart

I grew up and figured out that it's easier to live with the truth

Living free, burden free, and living couth

Living with a clear mind is liberating

Next time you think of lying, simply remember the heartache that is waiting."

Gratitude

I know we all say that we're grateful for what we have

But saying it is really only the half

Do you truly mean what you say?

Or is life something you take for granted every day?

I really believe that I'm grateful for what and who I still have

A roof over my head and my family to share some laughs

The problem is that I don't show my gratitude enough

Having a positive attitude isn't nearly enough

I give my thanks to the man above every morning I wake up

For everyone I still have with me that he has yet to take up

This week I almost lost my queen to a stroke

My mother, the one I would never trade for another

This whole week just doesn't feel real

I've been holding it all in being strong for her and the rest of the family

Seeing her home, holding back my tears and being able to breathe finally

Monday morning heading to work not feeling like myself

Got through the day and thought it would fix itself, but it didn’t

I remember getting home and hearing her speak

Seeing her struggle to say simple words made me weak

I knew something was wrong but she was too scared to go to the ER

Afraid as to what the causes of the symptoms are

I had no trouble staying up with no sleep to be by her side

Maintaining my composure so she can hers

Wishing the bleeding in her brain would subside

All these tests they would do made me cringe

It hurt me every time they injected the syringe

The crazy thing is she was the one on the hospital bed but she remained strong

Like she told God herself “In this world living is where I belong”

After she were allowed to go home that’s when it was a real shock

Three days removed from a stroke but she remained a rock

The doc said she shouldn’t be living

Life is just that, the gift that keeps giving

Said they couldn’t figure out how she survived

She’s a walking miracle, my faith was revived

Words can’t fully describe, it still has yet to hit me

I look up at the sky and say “Thanks for letting her stay with me”.

First Love

"It's true that you learn from anything that happens

I learned the most from you

It's been a few months since the break up

Blessing in disguise, it allowed me to wake up

Crazy if you think we'll ever get to make up

The void you left, someone else will take up

It's been easy to get over everything can't you see?

Hard for me to care for someone who could care less about me

I learned that I only knew you from what you wanted to show

Got me thinking, this girl I've been with for 3 years, I hardly know

Never did I think that it would lead to this though

I know I wasn't perfect, but I never strayed

People tried to tempt me, but I always stayed

Why would I? In you I had my better half, or so I thought

It all felt so right, even when we fought

We went through so much, but it wasn't hard to leave

At first, I thought I could overcome this, I was being naive

What bothers me the most is that you hurt what is sacred to me

My fam, if you didn't notice, this just wasn't a relationship with me

They felt this more than I ever will

Even after these few months, they can't believe it still

I know that when stuff happens, couples stick together and work at it

But once the trust is gone, the truth you begin to track it

Like, "Is she lying right now too?"
That's just something I'm not willing to go through

I never want to know the details of that night

Whatever explanation there is would never make this right

I do want to thank you for helping shape who I am

I'm comfortable with it all, I can't escape who I am

You did give me a love I never felt before, my Godson

Forever grateful to be a part of his life as he grows

Hearing "Nino" when he calls to me brings a smile

Makes everything we've been through all worthwhile

You dont' deserve an explanation to be honest

How ironic, that's exactly it, you couldn't be honest

Take care, if you ever read this, it's only if I ever let you

Then you can soak it all in and understand, why I ever left you.

Father Figure

I will never be half the man as the one who has taken care of me

The one I call dad, one of my heroes he will forever be

I remember hearing the stories my friends would say

Where they would buy gifts for their mothers on Father's Day

Telling me they never met that guy their moms would talk about

Wishing to never cross paths because they had nothing to talk about

The hatred was deep, I can see the effect of a non-existent father figure

Funny, because they learned on their own on how to take care of their own so go figure

I never considered myself lucky until I heard their stories

My pops has always been around doing everything he can for me

Providing like a father should, vowing to do anything he could

Keeping his promise to my mom that he would

They say the main goal is to have your kids be better off than you

He grew up poor and hungry with no opportunity for education

We grew up full and with a play station

I can't lie and say that we weren't poor too, but we had what we needed

At times I'm sure I was ungrateful as a kid, I selfishly wanted more so I pleaded

Stupid of me as a kid to think that I was being cheated

Why couldn't I have more clothes? Why only one pair of shoes and not two?

Pops kept me in line and showed me valuable lessons too

He's as tough as nails but he would give the shirt off his back if he had to

His long working hours being a welder just to put food on the table

Thanking God everyday for his job being stable

Every time he left to work I was afraid we would get a call from a local station

My dad being on the other side of the phone, saying he was stopped by immigration

You see, he basically risked his life while working to provide for us

Had no papers but did it all without a fuss

He's never told me he loves me but I don't need to hear it

With his actions my whole life I can easily see it

So dad, you may never read this but I hope my actions make you proud

Because of what you taught me, I try to stand out from the crowd

Thank you for being the best, and being an example for me to learn

When you retire, just sit back and relax, because it's finally my turn."

Commitment

You came into my life and I couldn't believe my eyes

Gave me the real you, didn't come wearing a disguise

Never had a woman NOT put up a facade to get with me

It's like they were trying to be what they thought was important to me

But you were different, you didn't care what I thought

I loved the fact that other people's opinions you never sought

It's like you were sayin, "take me for who I am, or leave me alone"

That very attitude is what kept me stuck on the phone

It's been a couple years since I last heard of you

It's better that way, lets me forget the hurt that I put on you

You see, I never did it on purpose I didn't know how to handle

The realness maybe became too real

I was scared of what I was beginning to feel

I could see it in your eyes, the way you looked at me

Like if you were ready to begin a new life with me

You treated me like royalty, and you deserved it back

I was too immature to learn to deal with that

I replay the day where you made it known that you wanted me all for you

I remember scrambling through my words and not knowing what to do

I gave you a vague answer and I knew you saw through it

I had no idea how bad those words put you through it

Until I saw the tears roll down your face, it broke me inside

That's my problem, my emotions I always tried to hide

After that day I vowed to myself to always say what I'm feeling no matter what

Look, the problem was never really you

I wasn't leading you on, I felt somethin too

I had a previous similar situation where I said yes to commitment

But that's where I messed up, I should've really looked up what commit meant

I hurt that person for not being what a boyfriend should've
To be honest, I wouldn't change anything even if I could've

Those long texts you sent me right after, saying that you couldn't believe

It cut me so deep like you wouldn't believe

I never regret anything but damn this is close to it

I lost someone I cared about because to commit, I just couldn't do it

I just didn't think it was fair to you to only give you a part of me

You wanted the whole but I couldn't provide

Till this day it eats me up inside

In reality, I'm glad we crossed paths, you taught me so much

You brought out the better side of me

I hope you're doin well wherever you're at

What I learned from you I can never pay back

I'm sorry for the hurt I caused

Just know, you guided to a better path this soul that was once lost.

Surface

People talk about me and say 'he's a good guy'

I'd like to think I am and carry myself that way

But I have these scars that don't allow me to live a lie

I may be nicer than most but my closet is full

I open that door and the skeletons say 'Who you tryin' to fool?'

I don't put up a front, but people see me smile and think it's all OK

And it is, my family is good and I have what I need

Doesn't mean that on the inside I can't bleed

They say we change as we get older

I already see it, I'm a little colder

I stopped valuing any potential relationship

All I did was play through it as if to perfect my gamesmanship

Along the way my integrity was being chipped away with every encounter

It's like I forgot about my personal beliefs and just said f**k it

Began getting attention from married women and I loved it

How hypocritical of me, going against everything I believe in

I evolved into someone I didn't know, I left the old me on the shelf

I looked in the mirror and couldn't recognize myself

I did things I never thought I was capable of

But I was mentally weak, and giving into temptation was all it ever was

I can't say I didn't enjoy my adventures of the forbidden

I just knew this wasn't a honest and healthy lifestyle to be livin'

I forgot how it felt to have inner peace again

I needed to get that back to achieve bigger and better things

Where even the biggest tragedies only feel like small stings

To get back to the old me and save some self respect, I reflected

Got back up, the advances and temptations I easily rejected

Feel like the old me again, back on my fast track to realizing my life's purpose

Just remember, even if everything looks good, not all is what it seems on the surface.

Never Met

When I'm home with family I often think about the ones in Veracruz

I'm glad I was able to set foot there and not just live through the news

I remember once there I met my aunts, uncles, and cousins

We were in a small town that our arrival had it buzzin

We were the ones from 'the other side'

They were surprised because we maintained our Mexican pride

The trip was going so well until I was told about you, Mario, the cousin I never knew

You stuck in my mind since that day I walked into our grandma's room

Seeing your picture hang, and hearing her say she'll see you soon

I heard the stories how you were a favorite and real laid back

How you were a walking guiding light helping others find their way back 

I often remember the story about that faithful night

How you were killed for breaking up a fight 

I wish you didn't have that big heart that made you intervene

But that's what made you special, it's something rarely seen

Even if I wasn't there I replay an image in my head

Hoping for a different ending where you ran away instead

I have a deep hatred for that group of guys who ended your life

Didn't give you a chance to explore and truly live life 

Who were they to choose that night as your last?

Dreaming that I can time travel back to the past 

Where we can hang out and do things that cousins do

Like go play games, play some sports and meet new people too

I never met you in the flesh, but your soul lives on inside of me

I have that huge heart like you, so I feel like you're tied to me

I feel you near, and I constantly feel the love

We'll meet some day soon, keep smiling from up above

First Death

My momma always said, 'Life isn't easy son'

And it got me thinking some

I know it isn't, but neither is losing one

That's what we're not told

How death is a part of life as we grow old

Not one passing is easier than the next

Even if you know they're all finally at rest

We miss 'em walking the soil that we do

But living life to its fullest to honor them we need to

I can remember the first funeral I attended

It changed my mind, it was my uncle Danny's, a positive was hard to find

He wasn't sick or anything of that sort

He was slain, and the man is still out there instead of in court

I was a teen fighting to figure out how death worked

While my mind was racing trying to be strong and hide the hurt

Everything was as smooth as a funeral day can be 

Riding in the car to the mortuary thinking to myself 'this is crazy'

Wearing all black, my parents trying to brace my brother and I for what we would see

Mind drawing blanks, my family mourning was hard to see

It didn't make sense to me

Walking up to the casket to say my final goodbye was tough to do 

Holding his hand saying to him 'I will never forget you'

You think you fully appreciate someone while they're breathing

Little do you know the void their death on your heart it's leaving

Hoping there's something you can do to bring them back

All you have left are memories, we often dream them back

It's never enough, I still miss him

I look up and say why couldn't that knife miss him

That's part of the meaning of life, when its your time there's no way around it

Don't make the same mistake I did, it took this tragedy for me to find it."

Social Media

"It's crazy how throughout life so many friends come and go

I only keep a few close and the rest think they know

I don't bother entertaining the fakes

Because being a real friend? They have no idea what it takes

Just because social media says we are doesn't mean it's real

This is just the beginning of the layers I'm starting to peel

Too many people caught up in each other's business

I'm too busy trying to start up my own

For all that drama they're trying to be a witness

Instead of fixing what they have at home

What's the point of following your favorite celebrity and their every move?

They've built their empires and have nothing to prove

People admire all the cars and clothes they wear

Instead of focusing on how hard they worked to get there

It's the things you look up to that can mess with your head if you let it

Too enamored with the glitz and glamour instead of the work ethic

The women get told what is good to wear and how to diet

When there's more important things out there, children poor and hungry not ready to die yet

How many likes your picture can get isn't a real goal

Why not try striving for something positive to feed your soul

In life we're given tools that we try to figure how to use

But most act like fools and popularity is what they choose

Maybe that's why this world at times can be twisted

Reality passes us by and we miss it

We need to rearrange what we look up to and find better ways

Until then we'll continue on this cycle on wishing for better days."

Ode to You (My Favorite Artist)

"Music has been a constant in my life, feeds my soul and nourishes my mind

Not just any music but rather the favorite artist of mine

Joe Budden, so many songs that helped me get through the toughest of times

The words said on the tracks made it feel like they were my own

Like if you were experiencing what I was, it truly hit home

I can remember the first time I heard a song of his, 'Pump It Up'

I figured, just another artist spit out by the machine to make some quick bucks

I dismissed it because it wasn't something I could feel

I wasn't with that whole mainstream appeal

A year passed when I stumbled on one of his songs again, 'Game Over'

A diss to then G-Unit artist Game, after that my view really changed over

Even if I'm not a huge fan of artists dissing each other on wax, I couldn't ignore what I heard

The wordplay with similes and metaphors kept me hanging after every word

Ever since then a new fan was born

Through the downs in my life the music kept me sane

As if the lyrics were the anecdote to ease the pain

After my break up from a long time girlfriend, I had no one to call

Coincidentally, a week later you released 'Downfall'

It's like if you took the anger out for me when I couldn't do it

Let me realize that I'm not the only one going through it

You said that in order to get far we can't get 'Sidetracked'

How the focus that we need to grow is hard to find cuz it often hides back

You said that by being focused anyone can do as they please and it'll pan out

'Just To Be Different' let us know no need to try and fit in when you're a stand out

If you try and fit a mold it'll leave your soul 'Stained'

Better to be selfish and look out for yourself without getting your soul slain

Cuz there's so many fakes and your friend they'll try to be

Told us how to deal with all that on 'Dear Diary'

We know that it's not easy and it's a 'Long Way To Go'

But it's experiencing the road to our goal, we have a long way to grow

Along that journey I make sure to never forget my dead friends and family from up above

I always sit and reminisce the good times like on 'Send Him Our Love'

I still question like why? I know sh*t happens for a reason but it's still not easy

'Pray For Me' questions what we believe in and it makes some feel uneasy

Yet you manage to put it in perspective with 'Follow Your Lead' when it comes to Him

We have to learn to appreciate life whether we're perfectly healthy or missing a limb

That's what I take away from your music

You have the gift to express yourself and affect lives and you use it

This is why I was compelled to write and share, my passion I hope I never lose it

I guess this is my way of giving thanks, for keeping me afloat

I needed a life jacket, but your music brought the whole boat

Keep making that Mood Muzik and persevere through all the strife

Because of that very same reason, in me, lives a fan for life."

Long Distance

"A great relationship is what we yearn for

Along the way we have a few, and from those we learn more

You need trust, communication, and honesty

What's ideal? We have no clue honestly

We face many problems to try and make them last

Some end because of lust, others because of the past

Some end because we 'spend too much time together'

We then forget to appreciate what it took to get her

What's worse is the issue of being far apart

Can't just see your other half, but you put on a fake smile and play the part

Even distance shouldn't be enough to cause a break up

You wish for the day she's the first face you see once you wake up

If the distance tears you apart, then it wasn't meant to be

It's all from the heart, it's a little piece of me

I've been through this once, never thought I'd be willing

But the heart wants what it wants, who was I kidding

I remember not knowing what to expect, when we lived on the phone

Once we hung up, I felt all alone

It really was a test, this long distance dating

But I remember once she was here, it was all worth the waiting

The late night talks about what we would do once the plane lands

Me? I didn't care, as long as were able to finally hold hands

The little things I learned to love, even if I didn't her

Where it was headed, I really wasn't sure

We eventually ended, and I'm proud to say the miles didn't kill us

Instead, it brought us closer and it filled us

Don't ever say that long distance wouldn't work, and that it isn't something you would do

That's what I said years ago, and now I'm writing this for you."

Sacrifice

"We try to reach our goals and it's not easy

So many obstacles in our way making us crazy

But the only thing stopping us is us

We begin doubting our decisions and lose our trust

We stop believing that we can do anything we want, like we've been told growing up

But so many issues keep showing up

The toughest thing we have to do is sacrifice

We have to give things up in order to gain

Even if that means we endure a little pain

Some wounds just never heal

Emotional scars from the past we can still feel

Seems like they never close up

Afraid someone will notice it from close up

Feeling them reminds us what we've given up to be where we are

Seems like yesterday when our goals seemed so far

I know there are things we never think can hinder our growth, like family

That's our foundation and soul, how can that be?

It's not something that happens purposely, it's our ties we can't sever

But the bond we share won't end, it lasts forever

We prolong our stay at home to help out our parents and lose sight of our dreams

But realizing them brings back bigger and better things

We're afraid to leave because it feels like we're turning our back

Thing is, you're walking through a revolving door, for them you'll always come back

There isn't a knob so you can just push right through it

That eventually means everyone, because for them is why we do it."

No Blueprints

"It's funny how life can go

Where we're going we never seem to know

Isn't that the beauty of it though?

A surprise at every corner, bringing us closer

To what we were put on this world to do

Going through the motions seemingly without a clue

What's the point of following a blueprint?

When life has so many twists and turns

You'll be left scrambling for answers when there aren't any

Highs and lows, there will be plenty

The struggle is what we should aim for

That feeling of having nothing making you strive for more

What is happiness without pain?

Going through all it is the real gain

You need to experience the bad in order to appreciate the good

Like living in a mansion in the hills when you started in a shack in the hood

Remembering where you came from to fully enjoy where you go

This is why I say to not follow an idea someone else has for you

How does someone else know what's best for you? Or what makes you tick

The worst thing is having choices given by others from which to pick

The only thing blank should be your plan, no need to fill it out

Blank because it's being filled in as we live it out

Freedom is the only thing that can't be taken away, use it

Don't get blinded by others' ideas and lose it."

Run Away

"I once heard a voice I couldn't explain

Wasn't my conscience, wasn't my brain

It wasn't anything I heard before, very firm in tone

At the same time it gave me a sense that I wasn't alone

The voice said to me, 'I see what you're doing and it's worrisome'

'The way you deal with your problems, it has me worried son'

Told me to stop running away and start facing 'em

I figured turning my back would be like erasing 'em

If only it was that easy then life would be a breeze

Having no worries and just doing as we please

But what's the point in that? Obstacles make us who we are

Let's us appreciate when times aren't hard

I got tired of running away

Felt like I was constantly searching for somewhere to stay

Not in the physical sense but emotionally

Felt like I was never where I was supposed to be

As if I was going through a dream

Thinking to myself 'Am I doing the right thing?'

Living with the hurt was all I knew

Stuffing my problems would get me through

I saw that I needed to change and that's what I did

Quickly became a man and no longer a kid

But it doesn't stop there I was finally at ease

My mind collected and finally at peace

I can move on and leave the past in the past

Finally able to free my heart from the cast."

Potential

"It's always tough when for others you do the most

And often times you're the one to lose the most

People see that and take advantage of you the most

But please don't change, because it's better to be you than most

It's creating a different path for others to follow

Not walking down one that was created by those whose hearts' are hollow

I see too many people criticize others for being unique

Always intimidated by those that raise up and speak

Like if we're all supposed to be of a certain mold

Or at least growing up that's what we've been told

Just like Dr. King you can have a dream too

It's just up to you to make it come true

No one said it'll be easy you'll have those that will try and bring you down

That's when you realize who is worth keeping around

People often lose sight like 'This isn't affecting me so why fight',

Just because it isn't doesn't mean it's right

We need to stop limiting ourselves and our potential

Most of our obstacles we have become mental

We start doubting like, 'I'm just one person, who will listen to me?'

Imagine if Dr. King thought like that where this world would be

All I'm saying is make an effort and stand up for what you believe in,

Being able to make a positive impact should be a big enough reason."

Not Your Average

"I'm not your average

Can't do that one night stand shit

I need some type of connection

Seen too many people learn the hard lesson

Just 'cause you're good lookin' doesn't mean you got my full attention

Just my eye, but what is that good for?

The heart is where it's at

With that, it'll make the time spent worth that much more

I know you're goin' crazy because you've never heard this before

I don't mind the doubts and the laughter

Because finding my true self is all I'm after

I want to emphasize the friend in girlfriend

The one to talk to and confide in

The one to share my hopes and dreams with

The one that enjoys similar things

The one that my family can embrace and adore

The one that is worth that much more

I mean seems like too many people are too caught up in the sex

Always on the hunt looking for who's next

The sex should be a part of the relationship

It shouldn't be the focus of what's making it

I'm not here to judge, just writing about what I see

Being a voice that's heard is what I aim to be."

Innocent Souls

"These innocent souls that we're losing

Making us see that this life isn't a sure thing

There are problems in our own backyard that we need to fix

Like 'Law Enforcement' shooting and killing people, it's often seen

No one is safe, not even innocent teens

Little Trayvon Martin killed because of the color of his skin

Never knew having pigment was a sin

Only thing he was carrying were some skittles and an ice tea

For the little brother he never again would see

Reports saying he was seen as a danger because of his hoody

A danger? How can someone pleading for their life on the ground be a threat

The police trying to cover up the real story with any idea they can get

George Zimmerman, a cold blooded killer isn't even jail bound

All because of this crazy 'justice' system

Since when do neighborhood watches carry heat?

The only danger now is having them 'patrol' our streets

Hearing Trayvon's last words on the 911 tape gave me chills

Thinking to myself how someone can have a dark enough heart to kill

Racism is alive even if we choose to ignore it

Sad stories like these really just show it

Some people say 'this is just one unfortunate incident, all else is well'

One incident? What about Sean Bell?

Or Amadou, unarmed and shot 41 times

Another innocent citizen, like me and you

Or what about Malcolm Ferguson, circumstances surrounding his death seen as 'strange'

Yet another unarmed man shot by police at close range

Or yet another teen, Ramarley Graham

Unarmed and shot by police in an apartment, in front of his fam

These are just a handful, there are others that are lesser known

We need to change because this can happen to the kids of our own

Let's not allow these deaths to be in vain

We need to get up, make our voices heard and make a change

Rest in peace to those mentioned above

This is an ode to all of you, with love."

The Purpose

"I'm not trying to be anyone's savior I leave that to the man upstairs

All I'm trying to do is show 'em that I'm someone who cares

I'm not just trying to look out for my family but strangers too

I look forward to helping millions in whatever I do

The way to do that I have yet to master

I want to have an impact similar to that of a pastor

What I mean is I want to be a symbol of hope

For all people, from those in jail to those outside doing dope

I want people to know that they're not alone with what they go through

No need to look down on anyone for what they do or don't do

I only want to shed light on what is positive

I write for a greater purpose, forget being provocative

I'm not here for any fanfare or recognition

I'm just trying to fulfill my mission

I'm feeling like a non-profit

Putting everything in and getting only satisfaction out of it

But that's how I like it

Forget all the kudos and props

My impact will still be felt even after my heart stops

But before that happens make sure you listen

Because if you never do you'll later regret what you're missin'

Why do people aim to get something out of everything

Can't we be satisfied with just helping people

That way we can finally say that we are all truly equal

 They say that everyone is here for a specific purpose

I'm trying to reach my potential but so far I'm scratching the surface

I have some more growing to do to truly understand

What it takes to become a better man

They say finding your true purpose is a long journey

I'm grateful I'm allowed to live and that I'm worthy

Worthy enough to explore what it is I need to make a change in people

It's not as simple as just giving change to people

Let's make a change people."

The Unreal Reality

"All around the world, lookin' for misses do right but I haven't found her

Is it really that hard to find what I think is ideal?

Often times I sit back and try to figure if she's even real

A pretty face and a fit body is great and all but it's more than that

It's not so easy just because your a$$ is phat

Whatever happened to the women with self-respect?

Notice I said women, with girls I already know what to expect

All I'm looking for is the one with all that ambition

The one that's making things happen and not just sitting around wishin'

The one who's able to hold a conversation and is able to listen

Not the one who is so worried about everything that glistens

The one who doesn't hesitate to put her family first

Knowing that's her foundation that's been there when she's been at her worst

The one who doesn't need to be something she's not to try and impress

Her preference being wearing more rather than less

Like those girls that wear the skimpy clothes or a really short dress

Maybe I just have these ideas that are pure fantasy

Maybe these little girls are how it's supposed to be

But it just doesn't feel right, I don't want them next to me

It's not even about me being a picky guy

Why lie, what I want isn't perfection but it's really close

These little girls out here just doing the most

It's really hard to understand where these type of women went

Whenever she comes around it'll feel as if she was heaven sent

Waiting for the day until we end up together

Until then, I'm searching forever."

Alone by Choice

"Everyone always asks me why I'm still single, and it's funny

I prefer to not worry about anyone else but me

Aside from that though let me just keep it real

Ever since my last one it just makes it harder to feel

Most thought that I was left heartbroken

In reality it just left my eyes wide open

It let me truly see how cruel people can be

There's more to that though it's the loss of trust

It all disappears over one meaningless night of lust

Closing up that pathway to my heart was a must

I'm not scared to talk about these things it's a part of life

Going through this only helps for when I'm with my future wife

See this relationship stuff isn't what it used to be

It went from what can we do for each other

To what can you do for me

It went from "let's mature and grow together"

To "I think this new purse and these new heels look better"

It's deeper than "the last one did you dirty"

I just haven't really come across anyone that's worthy

I'm not talking about being worthy of being with me

It's just I haven't met someone that I think I'm not worthy for

You know the type, the ones that you think you can't have but you want more

I know what I'm saying is nothing new

Maybe when you read this you see that it applies to you too

You may think we see eye to eye, but you might fall for any rose pedal

That's the main difference between you and I, I'll never settle."

The Last Thursday of November

"This very special holiday we celebrate in this month of November

This is where we create the memories that when grown we'll often remember

I try to make this holiday a daily thing for me though

Thankful for many things that one day isn't enough for me to show

First of all I'm thankful for my family always remaining strong

Never breaking even when many things tested our bond

I mean if I could I would take care of them all without a doubt

They've been there and seen me fall, and scream & shout

But that's one thing that I love about 'em they never doubt

It goes from my cousins, the ones that I can't live without

To my grandparents who have stood the test of time and are still here with us

I know it may be silly to say but thank you all for what you do every day

If it wasn't for this strong foundation I don't know where I would be

Probably out in the streets or maybe even six feet deep

Then it's my friends although they're very few I honor you

I can probably count you all off of one hand but that doesn't matter I truly see

That you've all shown me what most are not lucky enough to get, loyalty

I don't need to mention any names if you're reading this & feel my words you know it's you

What I'm trying to say is something I should say more often, thank you

This is my idea of Thanksgiving

Shouldn't have to wait until the last Thursday of November to give thanks for living."

The Root of All Evil

"The root of all evil is that green paper that we often chase

Trying to quickly make as much as we can like if it's a race

But is that really the goal in life?

What about having kids and a happy wife?

Whatever happened to the real goals that truly matter

This isn't a knock to those workaholics

But might as well call it 'workaholism' while we're at it

People literally killin' themselves for a bigger check

It's like an addiction that we have that we can't shake

Trying to get as many zeros as we can to fill our banks

While missing out on time we could've spent with our loved ones

Too busy with work not realizing what we've become

More focused on meeting deadlines than watching our children grow

We mix up our priorities because throughout life work is all we know

It doesn't have to be this way though

Why do you think so many are clamoring for a revolution

They don't mean an actual one with guns and violence

They have more sense, it's seen more like a solution

To this issue of the high cost of living

Wouldn't it be nice living comfortably with not having to worry about late bills?

Or even better live comfortably and even partake in giving

To those that aren't able to afford the bare necessities

This isn't an earth shattering idea of mine I'm not saying anything new

Canada has universal healthcare and we need that it's true

Reading these crazy stories of people being denied healthcare while they're dying

While the families are pleading for help crying

Don't you see how this economic structure is all wrong?

These big wigs and CEO's don't want this 'Obamacare' bill to pass

Instead of wanting to help their fellow citizens they prefer to turn their back

All because it means a little less money in their pockets, it's integrity they lack

They complain that these tax increases will be too deep

All while having lifetime businesses and enough money for their children's children to keep

Greed is what fuels these people in high places

All for a green piece of paper with dead presidents' faces."

Misguided

"We're often in tough situations where we don't know where to turn

Searching for the answers but we play too close to the fire and end up getting burned

But what about those that don't have a family as good as one should be

The ones that turn to gangs in search of a safe haven

But little do they know doing that only gets them closer to heaven

They mix with this family of "brothers" when all they really needed was their mother

I don't fully blame these people who lose their life over colors

They just never had the proper nurturing like others

I'm just tired of all these people looking down on those involved in gangs

They don't get it that they're just a misguided group of people

Involved for the right reasons but are only seen as evil

That's why they say that thugs cry too

They have a heart just like "normal" people do

The same people that complain should extend a helping hand

Rather than adding fuel to the fire they should just be a part of the plan

To help each and every person we can

People might say I'm hypocritical because some in my family are involved in one

But even then I've never turned my back, not once

I've tried to help and set a proper example on how to live

My sweat and hard work is what I have to give

Even this that I write hits me right at home because of what I've lost

My childhood friends were caught up in this vicious cycle, and they're no longer here walking this Earth

Is that what we want to happen? To lose these innocent lives & endure all this hurt?

I've never been to a place or seen a color with that much worth."

The Reality

"Now I don't know who I'm trying to reach with what I write

It's probably the youth 'cause for them that's why we fight

It doesn't really matter if I don't know them as long as they know they're not alone

With all the issues I've been through the pen touching the pad makes me feel right at home

Speaking of home, they say home is where the heart is but what if I don't have one

Then what do I call home?

Is it that empty spot in my chest that used to beat?

The one that was torn apart after she was willing to cheat

Or is home all those meaningless nights with girls I never cared about

The ones that were too easy, didn't have to wine & dine them or even take them out

Maybe it's the club life I used to hit nightly

Seeing all those cats living in a dream and getting bottle service

Were they truly happy? Not likely

Trying to live 'big' as they try to impress

Every lil thing that walks around in a tight dress

What a waste of time all for a night of fantasy

Can't only blame yourselves but also what's on tv

'Reality tv' like the 'Jersey Shore' highlighting this lifestyle

But all these fans are too blind to see

Or is it those people that need validation on every little thing they do?

You know who, often checking if the last chick they were with impresses you

Or those that try to show off what they have to those that don't

As if trying to make up for something they lack

What a joke, that's why no one truly has their back

The only people's validation that I ever want is my family's

It's reality, those are the only one's that truly matter

All of this I'm saying is not for me to try and say I'm better

Not at all, this is more like a wake up call

If you're reading this and you're feeling slighted then this is for you

Do you want to continue living as if you're on a treadmill?

Didn't think so, you want change? You know what to do."

My Mindstate

"Where are we going? What do we want? What are we doing?

These questions we often ask ourselves without really knowing

Often I sit in my room thinking, just my music and my thoughts

All for these answers I'm trying to find

I know I need to take care of business but these thoughts cloud my mind

It's difficult but I never show any emotion on my face

It's just me, my mind, and my own dark place

It's the search of self-worth

That's the only importance because in the end that's all you have on this earth

I could care less for any other person's opinion but my family's, no offense to them it's just my mind state

I alienate myself for a reason

But my acquaintances and friends see that as a form of treason

I would never double-cross someone, not even my so-called "enemies"

Even after they threw me under the bus

It's on their conscience not mine, they always had a friend in me

I'm a private person by choice & that's to protect those around me

So I would never dump my issues on them I know that they have their own

I came in this world alone, and that's how I often live

Even though I know I have so much to give

I prefer it this way, I don't want to be a dependent never have and never will

How will I grow if I always need to run to someone talk about my problems?

I'm the definition of "tough to crack"

It's just that trust in others is what I lack

That's what I wish everyone was able to understand

I'm doing me and I don't need a helping hand

Even less from those that pretend to be there

All you really see from me is what I want to share

I'm still a question mark even to myself

All I do is pray for the well-being of my family and good health

To me, that's the real meaning of wealth."

Private Me

"Just a little somethin' I need to get off my chest
Keeps me up at night with little to no rest

It's the idea of things that keep me going to God knows where

Walkin' down this path alone with no one there

My real friends, I can count up to one

There were others but those are as good as done

The other people I guess they're acquaintances but little do they know

That everything they think they know about me is anything that I show

I'm too private a person to let loose and tell my secrets

Too afraid that they're mouth is too big enough to keep it

They don't know how I feel when it comes to relationships

How what I once had and how it ended makes me not want to relate to sh*t

It's too big a burden to care so much for someone and come out empty handed

Feeling as if I was just left alone and stranded

They ask me why I don't do this or that and why I don't go out

I'm trying to find myself from within now that's what I'm about

This is why I don't even bother looking for more "friends"

We're on a different path looking through the same camera but with a different lens

I don't talk down on anyone because everyone has their own issues

I think it's my time to talk, you listen, and just hand me some tissues

This is the main reason why I began writing years ago

I needed a venue to just let most of my tears flow

It's how I've maintained and been able to keep sane

Been in some tough spots and I've been forced to change

We're the same age and still young, but our minds ain't the same."

Change

"Time stops for no one and I see it first hand

Already twenty-three and barely realizing my plan

I can remember my childhood but only in parts

Sometimes wishin' I could go back to where it all starts

Where the only worry was how I would score

Nah, not the drugs but in sports, I was raised to aim for much more

Always seein' the junkies in the corner askin' for change

Now I find myself doin' the same

I'm not talking about money but in the social aspect

Lookin' towards the future not knowing what to expect

Economy in ruins, unemployment at a high

CEO's gettin' richer, and the poor? Well you know how it goes

When will it all get better? Nobody knows

It's left up to us to fix what our previous generations couldn't

Sad to say but it's up to the kids to fix what their parents wouldn't

We're supposed to be left better off than they were

But even they don't know where they stand

Most will be living off of social security but that's not nearly enough

Leaving their later years to be more than rough

This is why we need to find the solution to our problems

That way our children's children won't have to be left to solve 'em

Living like you're supposed to with a smile on your face

Gettin ready to make a change and make this world a better place."